Stretching isn’t necessary –
One of the things I dreaded about starting a running regime
was stretching. You see I have all the agility of a lamp
post. I tried stretching once by pulling my leg behind my
arse and I nearly pulled a muscle AND collapsed at the same
time. A perfect recipe for a prolapsed rectum if you ask
me. Stretching isn’t a necessary warm up. Running
itself is a warm up.
The no pain, no gain ethic is bullshit –
You can gain a hell of a lot by just running at a slow pace.
It can be relaxing. It can alleviate stress. If you’re
constantly running out of your comfort zone and it’s
making you miserable, then either slow down, suck it up
or stop running.
Hill running can be fun – I think
every runner starts off being intimidated by hills but if
you start taking them on slowly then you’ll start
to actually enjoy them. Every hill has a brow. Once you
hit it the top you get to enjoy the downhill. Look at it
another way – hill running is like masturbation. You
have to do a lot of thumping about for 3 to 5 minutes but
once you hit the top then – weeeeeee!
No one is watching you outside when you’re
running – Apart from maybe stalkers, rapists
or dickheads and they are few and far between these days
(apart from dickheads). Seriously though, most people will
admire you for having the balls to run outside. It takes
a lot of courage to get out there to start with, but no
one worthy of your attention is staring at you or mocking
you. If you receive abuse in the streets then the best option
is to ignore the person. You set out on a run to improve
your fitness, not to get into a knife fight with a man with
7 fingers and 6 teeth.
Caffeinated beverages can help you escape the long
run runs – Drinking lots of coffee or energy
drinks 2-3 hours before your long run will guarantee that
you’ll crap everything out of you long before you’ve
jogged your first mile. Don’t underestimate how badly
having an icky stomach can bugger up your run.
Comparing yourself to other runners is self defeating
– For every time you feel superior to another
runner, you’ll feel twice as bad when you see someone
who is better than you. Every one runs the same road for
their own reasons with their own set of circumstances.
Only rest when your body needs it –
When I was starting out as a runner I’d feel frustrated
at the number of rest days in my marathon regime. I knew
on those days that I was capable of jogging but I felt like
I was being constrained by unnecessary break days. Know
your own body and rest when you’re tired and run when
You don’t have to change your life to become a runner
– Running by itself can transform your life
for the better.
Don’t take running too seriously –
If you have a bad run, go out tomorrow and make sure you
have a good one. If you don’t beat your personal best,
learn whatever lessons you need to learn and come back stronger
next time. Overall though have fun and try not to injure